Your showtime time having sex tin can be super uncomfortable, a lot of fun, really atrocious, or all of the above—there's no right or wrong manner to have sex. Sometimes, it'south hard to define what fifty-fifty counts as sex activity. No matter what you've seen in movies or heard about from your friends, though, there are things no one tells you nigh sex, like how you might experience subsequently or the hurting you might accept during.

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There are so many different reactions you could have, both emotional and concrete, to having sex for the get-go time, all of which are completely normal. As long as y'all utilize protection and are 100 percent sure you're set up, you're in a adept place. To be even more prepared, though, go along reading to find out things that no one tells you most losing your virginity.

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What is virginity?

A virgin is someone who'south never had sex activity only, considering sexual activity has different meanings for different people, it's not actually that simple. Nearly people think that losing their virginity entails penis-in-vagina intercourse, but that's non ever the case. For those who aren't cis-gendered or direct, the definition of losing their virginity may exist oral or anal sexual practice, amid other things. The truth is there isn't a universal definition for virginity — information technology comes down to each private to define information technology for themself.

i. Y'all should call back virtually talking to your dr. first.

Ok, and then there'southward this thing called doctor/patient confidentiality, which ways that whatever you tell your doctor stays inside the walls of the examination room. If yous're thinking of having sex or if you've already started, you'll desire to first talking to your doc about information technology. I know, I know: Information technology'due south going to experience so weird to talk to an adult about sex. But, trust me, they hear about sexual activity and vaginas all mean solar day, every mean solar day, so nothing volition exist a shock to them. Take reward of this opportunity to ask all the questions yous've been wondering virtually.

2. You can alter your mind at any point on the night of.

Let'south set up the scene: You're passionately kissing your pregnant other and you lot've both decided that tonight is the night, but all of a sudden you think: You know, I don't really desire to do this right now. That is 10000000000% OK, and you have every single right to let your partner know that. People alter their minds over all kinds of tiny things (like peckish a burger merely and so actually realizing you want nuggets), and so why would that be whatever different for something as intimate as having sex for the first fourth dimension? If you're non downwardly, then it'south not happening, and that's totally cool.

three. No i really cares if yous're still a virgin.

Aye, it might seem like all anyone talks about is sexual practice, like all of your friends are doing it, and the plot of similar 8 million movies involves losing it, only trust us: you are non the last untouched human on World. Not even close. It only feels that style sometimes because your virginity matters more to you than it does to anyone else. And *that* is an first-class reason to wait for the positive experience you deserve, total of mutual deep-feels and next-level respect. That person won't care near how much you've hooked up. They'll just exist PSYCHED to get to share it with y'all!

4. Losing your virginity doesn't mean *exactly* what you recollect it ways.

You've maybe got this equation in your caput: Penis → Vagina = Virginity Lost. Merely what if you're into girls, not guys? Does that mean y'all are an eternal virgin? (Of course not!) "Other activities, like oral sexual practice, can exist even more than intimate than sexual intercourse—and too conduct the take chances of STDs," says Kris Gowen, a sexual activity educator and author of Making Sexual Decisions. "Any time you're intimate with someone, it's going to touch on you." And then don't put too much on the technicality of simply one act, and instead think of ~losing information technology~ equally a progression. Then you'll exist prepared to handle all of the big responsibilities (am I being safety?) AND crazy-circuitous emotions (did he/she really just see me totally naked?!) that come with each and every step.

5. Your 🍒 doesn't *pop.*

Seriously! I know information technology'due south a super popular myth, only it's false. "The hymen consists of sparse folds of stretchy tissue that are just inside the vaginal opening," explains Michelle Horejs, acquaintance director of youth education and grooming at Planned Parenthood Los Angeles. "It may tear or stretch the first time y'all have sex — causing some discomfort or a little bleeding — simply it's not something you can break or that disappears once you accept sexual practice." Chances are, y'all already tore it a fleck on your bike or the balance beam or just by being an active homo. NBD, because your hymen is but a part of your torso. It has aught to do with whether or not you're a virgin.

vi. ...but it could injure a little.

Before you freak, permit us explain. To prep for sex (nosotros're mostly talking penis-vagina intercourse here), your body needs a warm-up phase of kissing, touching, etc. That's when a guy gets his erection, and also when your vagina lubricates to prepare your body for sex (considering no lubrication = friction = hurting). But the tricky part is that nerves can interfere with this arousal process, and yous and your partner could go aroused at different speeds. "Guys are similar microwaves and girls are slow cookers," explains Stardell Smith, a health educator at Mount Sinai Boyish Health Eye in New York City. You can use your fingers to check if you're ready down in that location. And if not: Tedious. Them. Downwards. If you lot're not moisture plenty, don't be too concerned—there is nothing wrong with yous or your partner. You can also try using lube to make the human activity a lot more comfy for both parties.

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7. Non everybody bleeds.

Like we mentioned earlier, it's probable that you lot'll drain during your first time when tissue tears around your hymen. However, Planned Parenthood says that it'south also totally normal if you don't drain.

eight. Your trunk volition feel different.

After you take sex, your vagina becomes more flexible—your vagina will go more used to penetration, which means sexual activity will get more comfortable for you as time passes. Plus, your boobs will temporarily become firmer, as the arousal volition cause your blood vessels to dilate and your chest tissues to swell up. Your nipples will also go more sensitive than normal. Why? Blood flow and muscular tension increase when you lot're turned on, which makes your nipples become difficult.

9. Your virginity is not a 🎁.

Possibly the most disruptive question yous will e'er confront in your life is, Am I gear up to have sexual activity? And it's extra-complicated when you lot're in a relationship (or, y'all know, a sorta-kinda-maybe-relationship) and showtime to experience like in that location are expectations on the other end. Merely but recollect that yous never owe someone sex, no affair how nice they are, or much they spent on concert tix, or that it'due south your any-month anniversary or someone's birthday or annihilation else. Yes, we know. Y'all're looking for a heavenly sign that it's time. Simply the truth is, that sign won't come from anyone else...it has to come from you.

x. Losing information technology takes a LOT of planning.

Or at least...information technology should. And nosotros're not talking well-nigh lighting candles, cueing upwardly a special sexy-fourth dimension playlist, and sprinkling a bed with rose petals. Nope, nope. Encounter, with sex comes ginormous responsibility: Am I on birth control? Who'due south going to become the condoms (if I'1000 sleeping with a guy)? And where/when can we notice a private space and time to go it on? If you're seriously because taking the next step, yous've got to be ready to answer these Qs and understand that sex can bring life-changing consequences, like pregnancy or an STD you'll accept for the rest of your life. Plus, it's totally possible to get pregnant during your first time, so e'er exist safe! Sexual practice is not just spontaneous magic, similar in the movies. Merely knowing you were adult enough to practice information technology right will feel Mode more special in the long run.

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eleven. You are going to experience similar the newb-iest of newbs.

And guess what? You should just comprehend it, because no one would expect y'all to smash a brand new dance routine or stand up up your first time surfing. The truth is, even if information technology's not your partner's first time, it's their first time with YOU. No dubiety, you're both feeling a piffling nervous. So rather than obsess silently (am I doing this right? is this skillful? assist?!), exist honest most your experience level upward front, and straight-upward inquire what they like throughout. "Whether it'southward your kickoff fourth dimension or your 100th fourth dimension, communication and comfort are key," says Horejs.

12. Y'all might think: This totally sucks.

Beforehand, your encephalon was all fireworks-worthy fantasies. In reality, though, sex—that first time—may exist more like: That's all?! Really?! In fact, yous might want it to exist over the second information technology starts...and that's 100% normal. "Sex takes identify mentally equally well every bit physically," explains Smith. "And then if you experience tense or are scared, which most people do feel their outset time, information technology can be really difficult to savour your experience." In improver, your hormonal changes might lead to emotional outbreaks mail-sex. Your emotions are at an all time high after sex, so don't worry too much if y'all're experiencing extreme feelings, both negative and positive. When you grow more comfortable, even so, you lot'll feel more at ease — both with the act itself and your partner.

thirteen. Later, your human relationship can go weird-ish.

Real talk: Losing your virginity can bring you lot and your bae closer. But what no one really talks most is how it tin can too examination your bond in crazy ways. A belatedly period, a questionable bump down there — sh*t can go serious very fast, and those uncertainties can poke holes in your connection. Then before you lot make the decision to hook upwards (any time! not but the first time), always ask yourself: Is our human relationship strong plenty to withstand the worst-case scenarios? Can I trust this girl/dude to care for me with total respect later on? This is a big decision, and you'll need the *ultimate* gut-check. Also, don't kid yourself into thinking that sexual activity will turn a casual hookup into a relationship. The but thing that leads to a human relationship is caring deeply nigh each other, and that doesn't have anything to do with when you lose your virginity.

xiv. It might not be ~magical~.

Movies and TV shows create all kinds of ideas about what showtime-time sex looks like. If you want candles and romance, you should brand that known. But if yous want to just practice it to get your first time behind you, that's ok, too. Equally long as yous're protecting yourself against STDs and pregnancy, you can do it all the same information technology feels correct to you lot (there's no correct or incorrect manner to accept sexual activity for the showtime time).

15. You tin can lose it again. And again. And once more.

Yes, that sounds impossible, but stick with us here. Considering if you accept had sex once (or twice) and it's non the feel you had hoped for, you tin can take what you've learned about what y'all desire and…get this…wait for information technology. "Having sexual activity once does not open upwardly the floodgates," says Gowen. "You ever accept the right to pull back and say no." In fact, being a born-again virgin can be totally empowering. It gives you the chance to hold out for whatever was missing the first time—whether that was true love...or just a real bed. (Y'all deserve both!)

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16. You probably won't orgasm at the same time as your partner, if at all.

Believe it or non, it's actually not that common for multiple people to orgasm at the same fourth dimension. The fantasies that movies and other media portray are not reality, so don't experience besides bad if you don't orgasm your first time. Considering you may not exist used to having sex, it'due south unlikely that information technology'll happen and if information technology does, yous won't know what to expect.

17. Virgins can all the same accept STDs.

Co-ordinate to Planned Parenthood, information technology'due south possible to get some STDs in not-sexual ways, similar using Four drugs or having it passed from mother to baby during childbirth. While most STDs can exist passed on through genital-to-genital contact, they can as well be spread through unprotected oral sexual practice. This means you tin still exist at risk if one of you has had oral sexual practice without using a safety, dental dam, or other forms of protection. Because of this, anyone involved may want to get tested just to be on the safe side.

18. It's okay to communicate that it's your first time.

Every bit a virgin, you may feel pressured to know what you're doing when you take sex for the offset fourth dimension. However, you lot wouldn't expect yourself to know how to drive a car if you've never washed it before, then why practice you experience that way when it comes to sex activity? It'due south totally normal and okay to limited that it's your first time with your partner. Once they're aware, they may fifty-fifty assistance you out or take things ho-hum to make sure y'all're comfortable.

19. Sexual attraction doesn't always equate to an emotional connection.

A lot of people adopt to have sex for the first time with someone they honey or care deeply about, only this isn't e'er the case. Sometimes, there won't exist an emotional connexion with people you're physically attracted to. In the case of demisexuality, however, you may but feel sexual allure for other people afterwards establishing a romantic bond. It truly depends on the preferences of each person involved.

20. You shouldn't feel bad for still being a virgin.

If you still haven't had sex for the first time, you shouldn't feel bad nigh it. Life isn't a race and everyone'south experiences are different. No matter your age, you should feel set and comfy enough to practice things on your own terms, and there's no shame in that.

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Banana Editor

Yerin Kim is the Assistant Editor for Snapchat Detect at Seventeen, covering beauty, sex activity & wellness, lifestyle, and entertainment. Originally from New Bailiwick of jersey but raised in Seoul, she is a proud Syracuse grad who loves fluffy puppies and a good Instagram opp. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram!